While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
