I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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