You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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