Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
