Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
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