Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
