Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
