someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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