Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
