He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
