The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
