I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
