I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize