Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
This house was built for laser tag.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
