you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
