I'm gonna have a badass scar
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
