He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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