Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I cannot find my penis.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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