I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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