I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
