i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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