the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
