we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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