I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Randomize
