that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
