I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
