He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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