I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
