We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
