I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
