went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I wish you could order shots online.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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