she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
