I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
