best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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