fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
