Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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