wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize