at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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