I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My legs feel like baby dolphins
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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