Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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