I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
