You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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