I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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