I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Randomize
