But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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