u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
