I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
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