her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
