oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
