Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
