I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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