Jerry, you need to find god
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
as a side note pls kill me
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
