3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize