If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
he thought i was a dude.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
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