I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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