He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
