I accidentally had phone sex last night
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
