Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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