he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
