Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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