Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
This baby is an asshole
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
