the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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