For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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