new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
