Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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