Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
