Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
