It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
