Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
