you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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