How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
