I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
this just has baby written all over it
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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