i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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