We're like a lot better than the average bears
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
They are going to name an STD after you.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
