i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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