You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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