I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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