I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
