I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
