Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
