I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
