My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
he just fucked me for my cheese.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
