My hand turned me down
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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