I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
sex in a hospital.. check
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
