YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
