Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
