I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
