i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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