she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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