While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
