I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
