I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
porn star boner night. come get it.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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