I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
