He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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