The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
