Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
they're like a gay fantastic four
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
