and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
