covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I am available for nakedness
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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