I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
