The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
